by Andrea L. Dudley
I sat in the driveway of my home in car, softly crying and asking God when our circumstances would change. When would this hole in my heart be filled? Where was the end to this long dark tunnel? It seemed as though we had been in this place, all too long. The place where you feel alone, vulnerable, tired, fatigued and frustrated! The intense pain that I was feeling felt so foreign. It was almost crippling. I am by no means a cry baby but a person can only take so much, right? He won’t give us more than we can bear, right? He understands, right? Hello God, I’m here, I thought. Is this what we’ve been reduced to?
We had moved back to Michigan after having lived in Wisconsin for 16 years. We had originally moved to Wisconsin in 1987 so that my husband could join the staff of Parklawn Assembly of God church. For 3 years he served as the director of Christian education and for 3 years he served as the senior pastor. After leaving Parklawn, we started our own ministry, Capital Christian Center. We were a cutting edge church doing innovative, aggressive and power packed ministry. We brought in the best ministers and speakers, men & women of God, to teach and train our people. We wanted to expose them to the best of everything. Our time in Milwaukee was very fruitful and we loved being pastors. Being a pastor is very challenging and having the responsibility of the spiritual development of people is a heavy load, but we loved it. I feel that I was groomed for this as my father was a pastor for 25 years and I was pretty much born in church.
So why was I crying and what was wrong? What had brought me to this place of despair & anguish? Anytime there is severe change in your life, there will be pain. P A I N! Many times almost unbearable! I was in mourning. I missed my friends, my church, my surroundings, my favorite restaurants and even the pond in my backyard! I missed the comfort of familiarity. I had received a word from a prophet a few years prior about God getting ready to change my environment but I had no idea that it would be to this extent. I had also missed the comradery of my preacher “friends”, those who we brought in to preach at our church who we went to great lengths to accommodate. Those that we thought were our “friends”. I missed it all, the all day services with Sun Fannin, Sister Bernice’s Red Velvet Cake, the Glory & the Fire, Donis’ Greens & Hot Water Corn Bread, those deep and intense worship experiences where we would weep and worship, Brenda’s Chicken Spaghetti, watching Carl jump off the keyboard in a praise fit, (with James right behind him) and I missed the little kids in the neighborhood saying, “Hey Pastor A”! I missed it all and I missed them all. Even now, as I write, tears well up in my eyes. When you love so deeply, as we loved the members of our church, that love doesn’t stop because you have left them. True love remains forever. We had sown our blood, sweat and tears into the soil of the land and into the lives of people.
and ...
What Matter Most Is How Come
By Linda A. Hillman
I was going through a time of just feeling empty. I had a good life, if I say so myself. I was working, had transportation, a roof over my head, a good church family, and people who cared for and loved me but I could not enjoy it because I was too busy wondering about all the negative things going on in my life. I was dealing with emotional scarring that had taken over my life. I remember falling into deep depressions and having manic mood swings. One day I would be higher than a kite feeling good about life and next I would be lower than the grave. I had lived this way for most of my life. I felt hopeless and lost, even with Christ in my life. My question was always, “Why did God allow this in my life? Why would He allow the test and trials to happen to me, His child?” I had tried to overcome them on my own. I had tried to do what the Bible said but to no avail. The reason being it was done in my own strength. I could not do it and the sad thing was I was not willing to give it over to God either. In many ways, you can say that I was content to live miserably saved. Now what kind of salvation is that?
In your situation, you may be on the brink of your breakthrough and you need to understand that forgiveness for those that tried to take you out IS needed. Let God be God and let Him handle your enemies. You love them and pray for them. You stand firm on God's promises and GET UP! Though you may be down however, you are not out, GET UP! You may be hurting, GET UP! You may be questioning “Why”, GET UP! This is not the time for giving up but for getting up. God has not forgotten His promises to you and He is faithful to complete and bring them to fruition. Get up girl; your destiny is calling you!
Look for Talitha Cumi: Girl Get Up coming soon.
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